‘She felt I was using her for money’: Entitled friend uses woman for her 400 sq. ft. studio apartment in a HCOL city, then shames her for rightfully asking her to contribute some money toward expenses

Author image for Lana DeGaetano
Lana DeGaetano • "Show me to me please."
Oct 7, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Housing a friend for a few days is something we've all done at one point or another. Usually, they offer their helping hand with dishes, maybe they slide you some cash for being the hostess with the mostest. 

Other, less desirable guests… They expect to receive all the benefits and take, take, take without giving back anything at all. Sure, you offered up your space to them as a kind gesture, but you probably expected them to help out if they were going to be living with you for a prolonged period of time. There's nothing wrong with that! Friends don't expect handouts on a grand scale like that—they're happy to help you if you help them.

The friend in this next story is a taker with no give in her. The woman who posted this story explains that her friend wants to stay at her place, which happens to be in a high-cost-of-living area. The friend has a job in the area, so they both thought it would make sense for her to stay there.

Now, it appears that this friend is trying to stay rent-free in the apartment without giving the woman any time of day. The woman rightfully feels used. What would you do here? Scroll below to read the full story.

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  • photo of woman sleeping on her friend's apartment sofa
    via Curated Lifestyle For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • "AITA to ask a friend to contribute if they want to live with me while they look for an apartment in my city"

    I (25F) live in a HCOL city and live in a small studio alone and pay quite a bit in rent $2800 for a 400sq studio. I had
    via HistoricalStop7133
  • a friend(23F) from college that got a job in my city about 15 minutes from my apartment.
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  • When she told me I congratulated her and she made a comment about staying with me.
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  • This didn't sit well with me as she had stayed for weekends several times over the last few months and hadn't made
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  • any effort to help contribute to the weekends (not helping call Ubers, asking to borrow my clothes because she didn't pack enough).
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  • The next time I talked to her I mentioned if she waned to stay with me once her job
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  • started I'd appreciate if contributed $20 a day to help cover water and pge and to help cover the cost of rent if she
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  • wants to use my space and save on commuting. I also mentioned if she would like my help finding an apartment
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  • sooner mid month I could refer her to my building and split the referral bonus with her ($750 each). She told me
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  • my apartment was too expensive for her budget(which upsets me because she expects to stay with me for free)
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  • She said she would rather stay with a neighboring friend 1.5 hours away and pay to ride the train.
    via HistoricalStop7133
  • photo of a woman using a calculator on top of a table to calculate her household expense spending
    via Frank van Hulst For Unsplash+

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • I was fine with this as I'm in a small apartment and hosting someone during the work week would be majorly disruptive to my schedule.
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  • During her staying with her other friend, the other friend needed her space back for a date night. My friend
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  • asked to stay with me but refused to give any details of what time she come over or any other plans- during this I am actively trying to
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  • make plans with her because other people were making plans with me as well, I wanted to make a game plan for the weekend.
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  • She did not end up staying with me that weekend. This weekend happened to be a big festival event in my city and I didn't want to go,
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  • but she wanted to go. This furthered my feeling of being used for my apartment.
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  • She later told me that she felt I was using her for money, but to me it felt like she was using me for my apartment especially after
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  • experiencing her as a house guest during fun weekends. AITA?
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  • EDIT/ more context This happened about a year ago but I have been feeling guilty about this as we have not talked in a year since this
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  • has happened. I have made effort to invite her to group events after this incident and was ignored. This is in
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  • combination of her inviting herself and her friend to my vacation but not wanting to make contributions to accommodations/
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  • combination of her inviting herself and her friend to my vacation but not wanting to make
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  • contributions to accommodations/ weren't willing to make a plan.
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  • BlondDee1970 NTA. Your friend is 100% using you. If she wants to stay with you she should be contributing to all the shared expenses. Period. You live in a 400 sq ft studio - she should feel honored you give up an inch to accommodate her.
    via BlondDee1970
  • Snackinpenguin She views herself as a guest and in that context she views your request for money as tacky. But she's not a tourist. She wants to use your house as home base while living the HCOL life. And frequently. She's no longer just an occasional guest. Your rates are reasonable, and good luck to her finding for less.
    via Snackinpenguin

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